When I grow up, I want to be a ....

Oh, how I wish I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up. I'm still trying to figure that out.  I find myself envious of those people who seem to know what they want and seem to be doing what they love - or can at least tolerate well enough. How do they do it?

I have a rule. The moment I am truly unhappy - and I mean truly, not just stressed out in the moment, or because I'm new, or whatever - I give it some time, usually, and then if I am still unhappy, then I know that's real. And that's when I start looking for something else. Truth be told, if certain things were different at a certain place I used to work, I'd probably go back in a heartbeat. But alas, I know it's impossible for those certain things to be changed. And so I still seek...Seek that position/career path that I will actually enjoy.

I suppose there are reasons for my keeping up with a state licensure as a "just in case" - which is actually my reasoning for getting the license in the first place - just in case I got laid off. As my employer at that time was having layoffs at least once a year. Funny enough, two weeks before I started training for that license, it was my turn to get laid off. But I've only ever worked for myself, having a very small private practice and never working for anyone else. These days though? I am considering it. My only fear, or concern, is that I have some financial obligations that I'm not willing to forego. Though i've always firmly believed that you can almost always adjust your lifestyle as needed.

Then again...what if that is what I am supposed to be doing? I never wanted to do it full-time unless it was necessary...but maybe I should have, because it does make me happy. So maybe I should work to become a healer of sorts. I had aspirations to do so in my younger years...yoga teacher, massage, Reiki, reflexology...but dash it all, that darn need for financial security and stability has always gotten in the way. But maybe, just maybe, I should just take a leap of faith. A terrifying leap into the unknown. And with no safety net....maybe I need to wait a little longer, build up a financial safety net. I mean, I'm single - not that marriage would necessarily be better, but I feel like my married friends do have that safety net - but there is no other income in this household other than mine. and that scares me half to death. I know we should not live our lives based on fear - and I don't think I am - but I really find it necessary to have some kind of financial security.

On the other hand...if taking that leap of faith will ultimately make me happy doing what I'm doing...Maybe I should just jump. Hmmm....more thinking is needed, I feel.