When I grow up, I want to be a ....

Oh, how I wish I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up. I'm still trying to figure that out.  I find myself envious of those people who seem to know what they want and seem to be doing what they love - or can at least tolerate well enough. How do they do it?

I have a rule. The moment I am truly unhappy - and I mean truly, not just stressed out in the moment, or because I'm new, or whatever - I give it some time, usually, and then if I am still unhappy, then I know that's real. And that's when I start looking for something else. Truth be told, if certain things were different at a certain place I used to work, I'd probably go back in a heartbeat. But alas, I know it's impossible for those certain things to be changed. And so I still seek...Seek that position/career path that I will actually enjoy.

I suppose there are reasons for my keeping up with a state licensure as a "just in case" - which is actually my reasoning for getting the license in the first place - just in case I got laid off. As my employer at that time was having layoffs at least once a year. Funny enough, two weeks before I started training for that license, it was my turn to get laid off. But I've only ever worked for myself, having a very small private practice and never working for anyone else. These days though? I am considering it. My only fear, or concern, is that I have some financial obligations that I'm not willing to forego. Though i've always firmly believed that you can almost always adjust your lifestyle as needed.

Then again...what if that is what I am supposed to be doing? I never wanted to do it full-time unless it was necessary...but maybe I should have, because it does make me happy. So maybe I should work to become a healer of sorts. I had aspirations to do so in my younger years...yoga teacher, massage, Reiki, reflexology...but dash it all, that darn need for financial security and stability has always gotten in the way. But maybe, just maybe, I should just take a leap of faith. A terrifying leap into the unknown. And with no safety net....maybe I need to wait a little longer, build up a financial safety net. I mean, I'm single - not that marriage would necessarily be better, but I feel like my married friends do have that safety net - but there is no other income in this household other than mine. and that scares me half to death. I know we should not live our lives based on fear - and I don't think I am - but I really find it necessary to have some kind of financial security.

On the other hand...if taking that leap of faith will ultimately make me happy doing what I'm doing...Maybe I should just jump. Hmmm....more thinking is needed, I feel.

...be present...

I've practiced yoga for years, and one of the hardest tenets is to be present in the moment. Don't think about the future, don't focus on the past, but just be in the moment. So very difficult but I think when you are able to do it, then life is so much more...enjoyable. Because you are not thinking about what you need to do tomorrow (or even later today) or fretting about something that you did yesterday (or an hour ago). You are noticing the NOW and everything with it. Even trying to take pictures takes away from the moment....though we are all guilty of wanting the perfect photo to remember by. 

I think part of this practice is to also notice how you are feeling in each moment, and how (or if) it is serving you. If someone is saying something to you and you are feeling negative (or having a negative reaction), perhaps you should stop, take a moment, and consider what it is that is making you feel this way, why, and where the other person is coming from. Because you can change how you react. I feel like many of us react before really considering what is going on, which can then make the other person defensive and then any further discussion is ultimately not very fruitful. But if you are in the moment, maybe you take a few seconds to digest what they have to say, can maybe see why they are saying it, and can have a more positive or more productive response which may lead to better results. This too is difficult because I feel like we have become so addicted to instant gratification - and I saw a quote recently too that states it perfectly: "We do not listen to understand, we listen to reply." As someone is speaking to us, instead of being present in the moment, we start analyzing what they are saying, and - more so - we are preparing our response...but without truly and completely listening to them. 

These are habits or practices that I am by no means an expert at, but that seem to me to make sense to make life just a little bit better.

Fear

What am I afraid of? 

Oh, the usual things, I suppose.

Spiders. 

Snakes. 

Creepy crawlies. 

Bird poop.  

Losing a close family member (or any family member really, or any loved one). 

Loss of my dog - I know she's "just" a dog, but she is my baby. 

Failure.  

Financial instability.

Saying too much, or the wrong thing.

Not saying enough.

Tornadoes.

Burning my house down. Seriously. It's taken me this long to finally use a crockpot, and I still worry.

What do I do?

The task for this post is, if you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question "what do you do?"  

Hmmm... a toughie. And given that this is a standard "small talk" question, a "getting to know you" type thing, difficult to answer when you can't just say, "Oh I work for a _________ company doing __________."  

So what do I do?

I take care of my dog. And sometimes my parents' dog. 
I practice yoga. And sometimes meditate.
I try to eat healthfully and deliciously - sometimes the two are not the same. :)
I drink wine. (and beer, and cocktails...but preferably wine, as I get older.)
I try to be a good friend/sister/cousin/niece/daughter.
I laugh. Not as much as I would like, but I do enjoy when I do.
I definitely overanalyze. It's part of what makes me good at what pays the bills. But it can be rough on other aspects of my life.
I try to live in the moment - often difficult (see above). 
I work at being happy and content, and focusing on the positive rather than the negative (it's so easy to get pulled into that pit of negativity). 
Sometimes, I cook. And bake. And occasionally I share the results with others.
I travel - though not as often as I would like, and there are so many places that I want to see, and not enough time or money to do it. But my vacations have been awesome. :)
I read. A lot. 
I love to learn new things. (But I hate those "life lessons" that always such but apparently build character ;)
Occasionally I try my hand at being artsy-craftsy.
I try to grow a bit each day to better myself. Sometimes that's through yoga/meditation, or through the people I interact with, or something I read...but betterment of self is always a goal.


Have a lovely day!

Discomfort...

I am terrible at flirting. I always have been. Apparently what I consider just being friendly comes across sometimes as being flirtatious and interested. And it's also difficult for me to ascertain when i'm being flirted with - because, again, I'd probably see it as someone just being friendly. So then I just get kind of uncomfortable - more so if I start thinking I'm being flirted with. And now that it's been a very very verryyy long time since I've even dated, I'm even more uncomfortable in those situations. I am seriously out of practice. And honestly, I don't even know that many single guys that I'd hang out with  - all of my single guy friends got married (or are soon to be). I had a housewarming party a few years ago and I got a bit embarrassed when a girlfriend showed up and asked me where the guys were. Holy cow, I don't know any anymore!! (Not any eligible bachelor types, anyway). Since then I've been sensitive, maybe hyper-aware, that I don't really have many guy friends any more - at least none that are not married or otherwise in a serious relationship. Gadzooks! If you want to really make me squirm, start talking about how awesome I am and that I should be doing "X" and "Y" to find a man. UGH. And over the years I've tried to just take it all in stride...I appreciate that you are concerned for my happiness, I really do, and I might even love ya for it....but holy moly, let's talk about something more constructive - like wine. ;)


On a completely different note: 100 happy days Day 4: Memories of the best shaved ice ever! (and the specific flavor? strawberry cheesecake with cream- delish!!)

It's been awhile...

QUITE a while, actually. I have been so busy with Life that this has totally fallen by the wayside. Vacations and anything else interesting has not made it on here. So, in the interest of improving my writing (and typing!) skills, I'm going to start blogging again. 
I tried to look up those "blog a day" challenges to see if that would work for me...I'm not sure. I'll see. I'm kind of intrigued by the #100HappyDays thing....I actually thought when I saw a distant cousin constantly posting with that hashtag that he was Seriously In Love and waiting on his Beloved to get her visa and come back to this country. I didn't realize until...yesterday, I think...that this was actually A Thing. So...maybe. But that's simply a photo, right? No actual writing necessary. And I want to write.

For the last several months I've been in a new job that doesn't require a whole lot of writing or typing - and what little it does is repetitive and very dry. And it ties me even more to a desk all day than I have ever been. Thus, I need to regroup and remember my goals for 2014: to regain a consistent yoga practice, to move more in general, to declutter my house/life, and to pay off some things and add to my savings. 

Yep, got a bit away from that. Tends to happen when your entire life gets disrupted thanks to the air conditioner deciding to quit. THAT is NOT a good thing, especially when one lives in the great state of Texas...and it's summer. Granted, this summer has not yet been super hot - it's only been in the 90s so far (believe me, that's not truly hot...we are just starting to be in the mid 90s regularly, and I hope and pray that our triple-digit-temperature days are kept to a minimum this year). So I've been incredibly thankful that I have family nearby that my dog and I can stay with when such things happen, and friends who know how to fix such things. 

On another note, here is my first post (and no, I don't think I'll be hashtagging anything - so not a fan of that, though I do occasionally give in): 100 Happy Days: My little dog makes me smile every. single. day. I love her! 

Sigh....

I just can't think of anything to write. And the sad thing is, I thought of something really funny and cool to write about earlier tonight...and now I can't for the life of me remember what it was!! Dammit! Damn this hot weather! (because that is what I am totally blaming for the memory loss and writer's block!)

Ah well. Just listening to my "dance around the house" music and relaxing. Happy times. Survived a Monday, which is always good :) On to the next day and surviving the rest of the week!

~A.Mo