When I grow up, I want to be a ....

Oh, how I wish I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up. I'm still trying to figure that out.  I find myself envious of those people who seem to know what they want and seem to be doing what they love - or can at least tolerate well enough. How do they do it?

I have a rule. The moment I am truly unhappy - and I mean truly, not just stressed out in the moment, or because I'm new, or whatever - I give it some time, usually, and then if I am still unhappy, then I know that's real. And that's when I start looking for something else. Truth be told, if certain things were different at a certain place I used to work, I'd probably go back in a heartbeat. But alas, I know it's impossible for those certain things to be changed. And so I still seek...Seek that position/career path that I will actually enjoy.

I suppose there are reasons for my keeping up with a state licensure as a "just in case" - which is actually my reasoning for getting the license in the first place - just in case I got laid off. As my employer at that time was having layoffs at least once a year. Funny enough, two weeks before I started training for that license, it was my turn to get laid off. But I've only ever worked for myself, having a very small private practice and never working for anyone else. These days though? I am considering it. My only fear, or concern, is that I have some financial obligations that I'm not willing to forego. Though i've always firmly believed that you can almost always adjust your lifestyle as needed.

Then again...what if that is what I am supposed to be doing? I never wanted to do it full-time unless it was necessary...but maybe I should have, because it does make me happy. So maybe I should work to become a healer of sorts. I had aspirations to do so in my younger years...yoga teacher, massage, Reiki, reflexology...but dash it all, that darn need for financial security and stability has always gotten in the way. But maybe, just maybe, I should just take a leap of faith. A terrifying leap into the unknown. And with no safety net....maybe I need to wait a little longer, build up a financial safety net. I mean, I'm single - not that marriage would necessarily be better, but I feel like my married friends do have that safety net - but there is no other income in this household other than mine. and that scares me half to death. I know we should not live our lives based on fear - and I don't think I am - but I really find it necessary to have some kind of financial security.

On the other hand...if taking that leap of faith will ultimately make me happy doing what I'm doing...Maybe I should just jump. Hmmm....more thinking is needed, I feel.

Overused.

I just have to get this off my chest. Truly. In the digital age especially, there are some words used that just really need to have limits.

Thanks to social media (I'm guessing, anyway), we now have the written word all over the damn place, and thanks to laziness (again, guessing), we have overuse of certain words. I mean, really...(and yes, that's probably one of them right there!).... We are all adults. Many of us are (over?)educated...I like to think most have at least a high school education (diploma or GED).  Did you know that newspapers and magazines generally write to a 4th or 5th grade reading level? I remember learning that in grade school and being rather surprised. I understand periodicals needing to reach a wide audience, though.

The thing is, we need to use our brains a bit more. Instead of using the same tired old phrases, let's try to work on some vocabulary and heck, even creativity.

Can we please find another word for "yummy"? Pretty please? I am so tired of it. Same for "noms", "adorbs", "totes", etc. It's not cute. It's not hip. It's pretty damn annoying.

And how about "too cute", "too funny", "TOO" anything?  Do you mean it's too whatever, so much so you can't handle it? Like maybe you shouldn't even be looking at it?

(oh, I know "like" is another one...but so help me that one is hard to remove from speech, much less writing.)

And please...for the love of God...learn how to spell "DEFINITELY". It's really not the same thing as "defiantly"...and "definately" is not a word.  Also - there are two "a"s in "separate", not three "e"s.

Ooooh, another one:  AWE is a feeling of reverential respect/fear/wonder. AWW is a polite noise one makes when one sees or reads or is told something that causes an emotion (e.g. something is very cute, or very saddening, etc.)  This one drives me up. the. wall. And yet NOBODY seems to get it.

Sigh... That's all I can think of right now. Any others?

Update: Thought of a couple more. :)
"Kiddo" is a word that for some reason grates on my nerves. I know, it's a cutesy way to talk about your offspring and/or others'.

"Sweet". Surely we can find other words to describe the kindness of others? "My sweet husband..", "my sweet friend", etc.

...be present...

I've practiced yoga for years, and one of the hardest tenets is to be present in the moment. Don't think about the future, don't focus on the past, but just be in the moment. So very difficult but I think when you are able to do it, then life is so much more...enjoyable. Because you are not thinking about what you need to do tomorrow (or even later today) or fretting about something that you did yesterday (or an hour ago). You are noticing the NOW and everything with it. Even trying to take pictures takes away from the moment....though we are all guilty of wanting the perfect photo to remember by. 

I think part of this practice is to also notice how you are feeling in each moment, and how (or if) it is serving you. If someone is saying something to you and you are feeling negative (or having a negative reaction), perhaps you should stop, take a moment, and consider what it is that is making you feel this way, why, and where the other person is coming from. Because you can change how you react. I feel like many of us react before really considering what is going on, which can then make the other person defensive and then any further discussion is ultimately not very fruitful. But if you are in the moment, maybe you take a few seconds to digest what they have to say, can maybe see why they are saying it, and can have a more positive or more productive response which may lead to better results. This too is difficult because I feel like we have become so addicted to instant gratification - and I saw a quote recently too that states it perfectly: "We do not listen to understand, we listen to reply." As someone is speaking to us, instead of being present in the moment, we start analyzing what they are saying, and - more so - we are preparing our response...but without truly and completely listening to them. 

These are habits or practices that I am by no means an expert at, but that seem to me to make sense to make life just a little bit better.

Who do ya love?

You can't choose your family (though mine is pretty stinkin' awesome, in general), and your friends are the family you choose. I have happened upon some pretty stinkin' awesome friends who are part of my family now, and tonight showed me just how much.

I've had a bit of a rough week and went to my yoga studio tonight hoping that a class would help. One of my friends, Cathy, noticed when she arrived for class that I looked upset, that something was really bothering me. As did some of my other friends, though they didn't truly realize how much until after class. So during class, i could tell I was taking things personally that were DEFINITELY not any kind of personal attack, not even remotely so. And after class I just boogied right on out of there after putting away my props and gathering my stuff. Cathy managed to catch me on my way out the door, and we chatted a bit on the way to the elevator (and bless her heart, she rode with me too, since I have pissy knees that can't do the stairs right now). By the time we got to the ground floor (which was all of about 30 seconds, since we were only on the 2nd),  I was teary. Then my friends Elizabeth, Terri, and Suzie joined us, and all helped me so much. I have needed to cry for so very long - that good cry that is so cleansing. But as a single woman, I have always felt like I have to put up a strong front - "I am a strong and independent woman, and can do it all!" so I can't even remember the last time I cried. I still didn't get that full-on ugly cry (like I'm pretty sure I need to) but I did get a little out, and I hope by tomorrow I am feeling better. I love these ladies, and obviously I feel safe enough to be vulnerable around them. Not to mention such words of wisdom, as I approach my 40s and the hormonal changes that will inevitably occur with the 40s (if not sooner).  

Namaste. And may you have such wonderful friends as these that I have found. 

I'm good at...

So I admit, I'm kinda following a "post a day" thing so I can have some suggestions to get my brain working.

Today's post is explaining something I know a lot about, or something I'm good at.

Several years ago I went to a career counselor, and what was interesting was that she could tell that I'm very detail oriented and I like to work with my hands. Detail oriented makes me good at what gives me a paycheck; working with my hands is what I do on the side - a massage therapist.

I think often people are afraid of massage - face it, you're putting yourself in a vulnerable position (naked or mostly so, under a mere bedsheet) and essentially at the mercy of the massage therapist. Or they think of it as intimate - which, ok, it is, but not in a sexual way. (at least not for the legitimate of us.) Believe me, the first time I went to a massage therapist, I went with a girlfriend to a male therapist and we were in the room together, getting massaged one at a time. He was completely professional and very very good. After that I was more comfortable going on my own. But I have friends who are creeped out by the very idea of anybody giving them a massage (though apparently a sports massage doesn't freak them out). My preference? None really - overcame many of those fears when I myself went to massage school and we all worked on each other. I've been worked on by both men and women. If you go to a spa and do some sort of package, though, consider what all is involved in the package and if you would feel comfortable if a member of the opposite or same sex worked on you.

However, let me just tell you - that massage therapist is working to make you feel better, whether just to find relaxation, work out some knots and trigger points, or assist with recovery from injury. TELL the massage therapist if you have any concerns. TELL the massage therapist if whatever they are doing does not feel good. For example, years ago I went to a massage therapist but for whatever reason, I did not feel comfortable telling her that the amount of pressure she was using was not near enough. As a result, I felt like I did not get the massage that I wanted--not that it was a bad massage, but for my preferences I'd call it a weak one. And I should have told her that I was really uncomfortable with her playing with my hair - straight-haired people really seem to enjoy that and find it relaxing, but I think generally curly-heads like myself find it stressful because it can make our hair poofy and bigger. I still felt somewhat relaxed at the end when it was over, but in hindsight it really could have been so much better had I spoken up. When I work on my own clients, I always tell them up front to tell me if anything doesn't feel good - if the pressure is too much, or not enough - and ask them if they have ever experienced some technique during a massage that they did not like. Because some people like a lighter-touch massage, and others like a pretty darn firm one, some people feel some benefit from various pressure points or tapotement (think karate-chop massage as often seen in the movies). So do not be afraid to tell them what you like or don't like!