Passion...?

How does one go about finding one's  passion? Truly, I am asking. I just did a thing on facebook where the video plays and you take a screenshot to see what it stopped on to find out "what you will manifest in 2017". Mine was "passion." I gotta say, right now I'm not sure even what to do to find it, and I just feel discouraged.  I am in a position of employment that I have been in for about less than a year - still in that period of adjustment and learning - and I'm not sold on it. Sure, there are things I like about it, but there are plenty of things I don't like, and the amount of stress I often feel is one of them. And I know some of that stress is just from being new and lacking some of that confidence that comes with experience. But lordy, is it tough sometimes to just suck it up and stick it out, until that feeling of being settled in sets in.
In the meantime, though, I wonder - did I make a mistake career-wise? Should I have stayed where I was before? I was good at it, it was a short commute, paid reasonably well. I liked the folks I worked with - at least mostly, which is as much as can be said for most places I think. :)  That's not to say I don't like the people  I work with now, it's more that it's such a different kind of situation that it's hard to compare the two groups.
Part of me wonders if I need to go back to what I know, what I used to do years ago. Maybe I made a wrong turn somewhere. Maybe I need to come full circle. Or maybe it's just the stress of the newer position making me think  along those lines. A friend of mine contacted me a few weeks ago about a position at her company; I was interested, and it certainly got me thinking, but unfortunately it was a no-go. It made me realize that life is short; I need to find something I enjoy, that I find meaningful...or that at least makes me happier than I feel right now.
Another part of me starts wishing I had a special someone in my life, someone who could support me in my decisions (I'm not necessarily talking financially), who could act as a sounding board, who could help me work through decisions in life. I don't know where this guy is, but I seriously am ready to meet him. I don't mean jump into marriage or anything, but to just have someone around to talk about such things would be amazing.
Ah well, woe is me, right? I've been doing this on my own for so long, making decisions on my own and then hoping for the best...I'm sure in a couple of months I'll be feeling just fine about everything. Or at least mostly so. as I am an accomplished person, successful in many ways, having made some actual good career decisions along the way. It's just the current one that I'm questioning, because it's hard, what I do. It's also rather a lonely job, this position I now have. More so than I could have imagined. (And it's not like I have anyone at home to keep the home fires burning, so to speak, or to need a break from haha.)  Like I said, there are certainly things I really enjoy but holy COW, there are things I intensely dislike so far.
They say you should find something you are passionate about, or that you thoroughly enjoy...How on earth does one figure this out? Or is my mind just too practical to really get creative?

Compartmentalization.

Last week, while I was on a business trip, I received some very sad news; a younger family member had unexpectedly died. I had just gotten to my hotel when I got the news; I had been trying to talk myself into going out to eat and for some reason could not get excited about it. Guess my intuition was trying to tell me something. I ended up ordering room service (not bad, but it of course ended up just sitting heavy on my stomach because of the sadness).  The member of my extended family had been a kind, funny, handsome man and wonderful father. Since I was on a business trip, though, I couldn't really mourn. It took all evening to process the news, and file it away to grieve later. That's not to say I wasn't sad - I was horribly, terribly sad, and my heart was so heavy - but there was nothing I could do but to keep that branch of my family in my thoughts, in my prayers, and chug along until I got home and/or learned of the service arrangements.

Yesterday I saw the obituary. It hit me then, it really did.  I had already made plans to go to the memorial service later this week, and so had that in mind while I worked to get through the next few days on the job. I've been able to talk about it a little while at work - again, compartmentalizing so I can maintain a level of professionalism with, say, my supervisor - but when at home, it keeps hitting me. Which is fine - I need to grieve now so I can better handle the memorial service in a few days. (I do try to keep in mind that those who are closer to the deceased and grieving harder do NOT need to deal with MY grief...I haven't worded that very clearly but I hope you get my meaning.)

I generally don't let myself cry often - it's not pretty when I cry, all redness and such - plus I get a headache, my sinuses hurt and my eyes/contacts sting.  So I dislike it. But last night it really hit me - his death - and my sadness for his immediate family. I cannot imagine what they are going through, or what anyone goes through when someone unexpectedly and suddenly just...dies. And it just hurt me.

It's hitting me tonight, a bit. It's not really going to get any easier on me - I'm an emotional person - until after the funeral. But I am going to try to be strong for the family - because, as I said, they are dealing with their own grief and do not need to deal with mine.

Give your family members a hug. Let them know how much you love them, because you never know what tomorrow may bring. And remember too that you never know what may be happening behind the scenes.

[And just a side note/rant: There is nothing wrong with being strong, it does NOT mean that I do not have emotions and feelings and it does NOT mean that I don't express them...and I would seriously like to throat-punch whoever made "emotion" into the verb "to emote". That is the worst, most clinical word ever - and a friend who sometimes doesn't know when to turn it off once told me, when I had gotten teary and upset once, that i had done well to emote. I seriously wanted to kick her in the shin. If I am teary, if I am upset, don't fucking tell me how good it is to emote. Tell me to let it all out, that it's ok, something, ANYTHING but saying "emote" and clinicalizing my feelings and my actions/reactions. (Unless, of course, you are an actual clinician but even then, don't you dare say it to me.)]

Overused.

I just have to get this off my chest. Truly. In the digital age especially, there are some words used that just really need to have limits.

Thanks to social media (I'm guessing, anyway), we now have the written word all over the damn place, and thanks to laziness (again, guessing), we have overuse of certain words. I mean, really...(and yes, that's probably one of them right there!).... We are all adults. Many of us are (over?)educated...I like to think most have at least a high school education (diploma or GED).  Did you know that newspapers and magazines generally write to a 4th or 5th grade reading level? I remember learning that in grade school and being rather surprised. I understand periodicals needing to reach a wide audience, though.

The thing is, we need to use our brains a bit more. Instead of using the same tired old phrases, let's try to work on some vocabulary and heck, even creativity.

Can we please find another word for "yummy"? Pretty please? I am so tired of it. Same for "noms", "adorbs", "totes", etc. It's not cute. It's not hip. It's pretty damn annoying.

And how about "too cute", "too funny", "TOO" anything?  Do you mean it's too whatever, so much so you can't handle it? Like maybe you shouldn't even be looking at it?

(oh, I know "like" is another one...but so help me that one is hard to remove from speech, much less writing.)

And please...for the love of God...learn how to spell "DEFINITELY". It's really not the same thing as "defiantly"...and "definately" is not a word.  Also - there are two "a"s in "separate", not three "e"s.

Ooooh, another one:  AWE is a feeling of reverential respect/fear/wonder. AWW is a polite noise one makes when one sees or reads or is told something that causes an emotion (e.g. something is very cute, or very saddening, etc.)  This one drives me up. the. wall. And yet NOBODY seems to get it.

Sigh... That's all I can think of right now. Any others?

Update: Thought of a couple more. :)
"Kiddo" is a word that for some reason grates on my nerves. I know, it's a cutesy way to talk about your offspring and/or others'.

"Sweet". Surely we can find other words to describe the kindness of others? "My sweet husband..", "my sweet friend", etc.