When I grow up, I want to be a ....

Oh, how I wish I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up. I'm still trying to figure that out.  I find myself envious of those people who seem to know what they want and seem to be doing what they love - or can at least tolerate well enough. How do they do it?

I have a rule. The moment I am truly unhappy - and I mean truly, not just stressed out in the moment, or because I'm new, or whatever - I give it some time, usually, and then if I am still unhappy, then I know that's real. And that's when I start looking for something else. Truth be told, if certain things were different at a certain place I used to work, I'd probably go back in a heartbeat. But alas, I know it's impossible for those certain things to be changed. And so I still seek...Seek that position/career path that I will actually enjoy.

I suppose there are reasons for my keeping up with a state licensure as a "just in case" - which is actually my reasoning for getting the license in the first place - just in case I got laid off. As my employer at that time was having layoffs at least once a year. Funny enough, two weeks before I started training for that license, it was my turn to get laid off. But I've only ever worked for myself, having a very small private practice and never working for anyone else. These days though? I am considering it. My only fear, or concern, is that I have some financial obligations that I'm not willing to forego. Though i've always firmly believed that you can almost always adjust your lifestyle as needed.

Then again...what if that is what I am supposed to be doing? I never wanted to do it full-time unless it was necessary...but maybe I should have, because it does make me happy. So maybe I should work to become a healer of sorts. I had aspirations to do so in my younger years...yoga teacher, massage, Reiki, reflexology...but dash it all, that darn need for financial security and stability has always gotten in the way. But maybe, just maybe, I should just take a leap of faith. A terrifying leap into the unknown. And with no safety net....maybe I need to wait a little longer, build up a financial safety net. I mean, I'm single - not that marriage would necessarily be better, but I feel like my married friends do have that safety net - but there is no other income in this household other than mine. and that scares me half to death. I know we should not live our lives based on fear - and I don't think I am - but I really find it necessary to have some kind of financial security.

On the other hand...if taking that leap of faith will ultimately make me happy doing what I'm doing...Maybe I should just jump. Hmmm....more thinking is needed, I feel.

Passion...?

How does one go about finding one's  passion? Truly, I am asking. I just did a thing on facebook where the video plays and you take a screenshot to see what it stopped on to find out "what you will manifest in 2017". Mine was "passion." I gotta say, right now I'm not sure even what to do to find it, and I just feel discouraged.  I am in a position of employment that I have been in for about less than a year - still in that period of adjustment and learning - and I'm not sold on it. Sure, there are things I like about it, but there are plenty of things I don't like, and the amount of stress I often feel is one of them. And I know some of that stress is just from being new and lacking some of that confidence that comes with experience. But lordy, is it tough sometimes to just suck it up and stick it out, until that feeling of being settled in sets in.
In the meantime, though, I wonder - did I make a mistake career-wise? Should I have stayed where I was before? I was good at it, it was a short commute, paid reasonably well. I liked the folks I worked with - at least mostly, which is as much as can be said for most places I think. :)  That's not to say I don't like the people  I work with now, it's more that it's such a different kind of situation that it's hard to compare the two groups.
Part of me wonders if I need to go back to what I know, what I used to do years ago. Maybe I made a wrong turn somewhere. Maybe I need to come full circle. Or maybe it's just the stress of the newer position making me think  along those lines. A friend of mine contacted me a few weeks ago about a position at her company; I was interested, and it certainly got me thinking, but unfortunately it was a no-go. It made me realize that life is short; I need to find something I enjoy, that I find meaningful...or that at least makes me happier than I feel right now.
Another part of me starts wishing I had a special someone in my life, someone who could support me in my decisions (I'm not necessarily talking financially), who could act as a sounding board, who could help me work through decisions in life. I don't know where this guy is, but I seriously am ready to meet him. I don't mean jump into marriage or anything, but to just have someone around to talk about such things would be amazing.
Ah well, woe is me, right? I've been doing this on my own for so long, making decisions on my own and then hoping for the best...I'm sure in a couple of months I'll be feeling just fine about everything. Or at least mostly so. as I am an accomplished person, successful in many ways, having made some actual good career decisions along the way. It's just the current one that I'm questioning, because it's hard, what I do. It's also rather a lonely job, this position I now have. More so than I could have imagined. (And it's not like I have anyone at home to keep the home fires burning, so to speak, or to need a break from haha.)  Like I said, there are certainly things I really enjoy but holy COW, there are things I intensely dislike so far.
They say you should find something you are passionate about, or that you thoroughly enjoy...How on earth does one figure this out? Or is my mind just too practical to really get creative?

Compartmentalization.

Last week, while I was on a business trip, I received some very sad news; a younger family member had unexpectedly died. I had just gotten to my hotel when I got the news; I had been trying to talk myself into going out to eat and for some reason could not get excited about it. Guess my intuition was trying to tell me something. I ended up ordering room service (not bad, but it of course ended up just sitting heavy on my stomach because of the sadness).  The member of my extended family had been a kind, funny, handsome man and wonderful father. Since I was on a business trip, though, I couldn't really mourn. It took all evening to process the news, and file it away to grieve later. That's not to say I wasn't sad - I was horribly, terribly sad, and my heart was so heavy - but there was nothing I could do but to keep that branch of my family in my thoughts, in my prayers, and chug along until I got home and/or learned of the service arrangements.

Yesterday I saw the obituary. It hit me then, it really did.  I had already made plans to go to the memorial service later this week, and so had that in mind while I worked to get through the next few days on the job. I've been able to talk about it a little while at work - again, compartmentalizing so I can maintain a level of professionalism with, say, my supervisor - but when at home, it keeps hitting me. Which is fine - I need to grieve now so I can better handle the memorial service in a few days. (I do try to keep in mind that those who are closer to the deceased and grieving harder do NOT need to deal with MY grief...I haven't worded that very clearly but I hope you get my meaning.)

I generally don't let myself cry often - it's not pretty when I cry, all redness and such - plus I get a headache, my sinuses hurt and my eyes/contacts sting.  So I dislike it. But last night it really hit me - his death - and my sadness for his immediate family. I cannot imagine what they are going through, or what anyone goes through when someone unexpectedly and suddenly just...dies. And it just hurt me.

It's hitting me tonight, a bit. It's not really going to get any easier on me - I'm an emotional person - until after the funeral. But I am going to try to be strong for the family - because, as I said, they are dealing with their own grief and do not need to deal with mine.

Give your family members a hug. Let them know how much you love them, because you never know what tomorrow may bring. And remember too that you never know what may be happening behind the scenes.

[And just a side note/rant: There is nothing wrong with being strong, it does NOT mean that I do not have emotions and feelings and it does NOT mean that I don't express them...and I would seriously like to throat-punch whoever made "emotion" into the verb "to emote". That is the worst, most clinical word ever - and a friend who sometimes doesn't know when to turn it off once told me, when I had gotten teary and upset once, that i had done well to emote. I seriously wanted to kick her in the shin. If I am teary, if I am upset, don't fucking tell me how good it is to emote. Tell me to let it all out, that it's ok, something, ANYTHING but saying "emote" and clinicalizing my feelings and my actions/reactions. (Unless, of course, you are an actual clinician but even then, don't you dare say it to me.)]

Overused.

I just have to get this off my chest. Truly. In the digital age especially, there are some words used that just really need to have limits.

Thanks to social media (I'm guessing, anyway), we now have the written word all over the damn place, and thanks to laziness (again, guessing), we have overuse of certain words. I mean, really...(and yes, that's probably one of them right there!).... We are all adults. Many of us are (over?)educated...I like to think most have at least a high school education (diploma or GED).  Did you know that newspapers and magazines generally write to a 4th or 5th grade reading level? I remember learning that in grade school and being rather surprised. I understand periodicals needing to reach a wide audience, though.

The thing is, we need to use our brains a bit more. Instead of using the same tired old phrases, let's try to work on some vocabulary and heck, even creativity.

Can we please find another word for "yummy"? Pretty please? I am so tired of it. Same for "noms", "adorbs", "totes", etc. It's not cute. It's not hip. It's pretty damn annoying.

And how about "too cute", "too funny", "TOO" anything?  Do you mean it's too whatever, so much so you can't handle it? Like maybe you shouldn't even be looking at it?

(oh, I know "like" is another one...but so help me that one is hard to remove from speech, much less writing.)

And please...for the love of God...learn how to spell "DEFINITELY". It's really not the same thing as "defiantly"...and "definately" is not a word.  Also - there are two "a"s in "separate", not three "e"s.

Ooooh, another one:  AWE is a feeling of reverential respect/fear/wonder. AWW is a polite noise one makes when one sees or reads or is told something that causes an emotion (e.g. something is very cute, or very saddening, etc.)  This one drives me up. the. wall. And yet NOBODY seems to get it.

Sigh... That's all I can think of right now. Any others?

Update: Thought of a couple more. :)
"Kiddo" is a word that for some reason grates on my nerves. I know, it's a cutesy way to talk about your offspring and/or others'.

"Sweet". Surely we can find other words to describe the kindness of others? "My sweet husband..", "my sweet friend", etc.

Family, friends, happiness, sadness...and an old flame...?

So this past weekend was pretty awesome, albeit busy. Lots of fun, some sad. Some emotion as well that I cannot define and may never be able to (or may never admit to?). 

Friday night I took my 12-year-old nephew out to dinner, just the two of us. I told him we would go to whatever kind of restaurant he wanted (and my fingers were crossed that he wouldn't want sushi...he IS from SoCal after all).  We ended up at a local Chinese restaurant that was really quite good - I had never been to this place before, so I was pleasantly surprised. While at dinner, I learned that he was in fact interested in going to see the Minions movie - I hadn't been certain, since he's, you know, 12 and all. And I wasn't sure I was 100% interested in a movie about cyclopsian twinkies.  So he talked me in to it, and I bought tickets for a Saturday show while we were at the table waiting on our food.

Turns out, it was mainly about only 3 of the minions (instead of all 800 or whatever), and it was actually a pretty cute movie. Afterward, we went to my folks' house, where my second cousin and her family were coming over. They had just moved to the area a few weeks ago - and are already super happy with the move (of course, in my opinion, anywhere is better than our hometown).  We all, littles included, went to the neighborhood pool for an hour or so, and then came back to eat barbecue. It was such a nice visit - such a great day. I think everybody really enjoyed themselves.

Sunday...Ahh, Sunday. This was the day of the "tumult" of emotions. I was heading to San Antonio for a visitation at a funeral home. Sadness. My best friend from college's father-in-law passed away. 

So I arrive at the funeral home and surprise them. My best friend gives me a tight hug, which of course makes us both teary - and I think her husband started feeling emotional too. It makes me so very glad though that I made the decision to drive down for that. I hung around for a bit, visiting with her parents and other family members (we've been friends for over 20 years, after all!), and I didn't want to drive all that way just to say hi and bye.  

While I was hanging around chatting, three of her husband's friends from work arrived. Two of these guys I hadn't seen since the wedding some 13 years ago.  One of the two said hi to me, and another one chatted a little with me after my friend's hubby re-introduced us.  The third one? Ohhh my. The third one is the old flame. 

About 10 years ago, we had a bit of a long-distance relationship - though it was mainly talking on the phone for a few months. It didn't last long- and the rational part of me knew it wouldn't, as I knew he had said he didn't want a long-distance anything...but that didn't keep me from feeling like I fell fairly hard for him.  But oh my, to see him again, unexpectedly (though I suppose I should have expected to see him)....I have had no expectations of ever having any kind of communication with him, but I sort of expected acknowledgement of my existence at the funeral home. But I digress. 

Unexpectedly seeing him again - It was one of those moments where, in a split second, I thought several thoughts: "Why am I only wearing mascara today--why didn't I put on full makeup?" "At least I'm having a great hair day!" And then it went into the ridiculous: "Does he not recognize/remember me?" "I wonder what he's thinking, seeing me again!" And so on.  Just ridiculous. This was 10 years ago. Seriously, girl, you just need to keep your brain from doing this. 

And then, after I'd been there for over an hour, it was time for me to head back to Austin. Driving north on 281, I called a friend of mine to discuss. I was having a multitude of emotions - or at least a couple. Sadness at death, happiness that I got to see my friends (even if under such circumstances)...and....and...how DID I feel about seeing him? I think that, honestly, I may have felt some level of excitement at seeing him again, or something. But I think that the happiness at seeing my friends after a long time overwhelmed any excitement or whatever I felt at seeing him. At least that's what I'm going to go with. 

Drowning

I regularly hear about all the trials and tribulations of having kids, from my friends who are parents. And of course I always half-jokingly (or maybe full-jokingly) make a comment that I'll just stick with dogs. Friday I went to lunch with a work friend and she told me about some of the stuff going on with her kids, and of course I made my typical statement....and then late that afternoon, she got a text from her son, something along the lines of "I'm ok, the cops are here, and told us we can't say anything right now." Of course, her first reaction was, "Ok, are you in trouble?"  A little while later I think he called her to tell her a little more of what's going on - while they were at the lake, one of his friends had gone under and nobody had seen him come back up. These kids are only 16 - so very young to have to die, or to have to deal with the death of a friend. I told her to keep me posted, and that I'd pray that they would find him soon. Some 40 hours later, they finally found him. I had kept hoping, Friday evening when she finally left, that they would find him playing a stupid prank and hiding from everyone. So very sad. He had in fact drowned - they found him about 40 hours later. The group of kids spent the weekend together, grieving. Last night there was a candlelight vigil for him. My guess is that he probably got a cramp or something. Drowning doesn't look the way it does in the movies - no yelling and waving the arms, slapping the water, etc. Be safe out there on the water!

From Wikipedia: 

"Contrary to the normal popularisation of drowning as a highly visible behavior, involving shouting, abrupt or violent movements such as splashing and waving, and visible difficulty—which is a related phenomenon, known as aquatic distress, which often but not always precedes drowning—the "instinctive drowning response" is noiseless and confined to subtle movements. 

While distress and panic may sometimes take place beforehand, drowning itself is deceptively quick and often silent. A person at, or close to, the point of drowning is unable to keep their mouth above water long enough to breathe properly and is unable to shout. Lacking air, their body cannot perform the voluntary efforts involved in waving or seeking attention. Involuntary actions operated by the autonomic nervous system involve lateral flapping or paddling with the arms to press them down into the water in the effort to raise the mouth long enough to breathe, and tilting the head back. As an instinctive reaction, this is not consciously mediated nor under conscious control."  

...be present...

I've practiced yoga for years, and one of the hardest tenets is to be present in the moment. Don't think about the future, don't focus on the past, but just be in the moment. So very difficult but I think when you are able to do it, then life is so much more...enjoyable. Because you are not thinking about what you need to do tomorrow (or even later today) or fretting about something that you did yesterday (or an hour ago). You are noticing the NOW and everything with it. Even trying to take pictures takes away from the moment....though we are all guilty of wanting the perfect photo to remember by. 

I think part of this practice is to also notice how you are feeling in each moment, and how (or if) it is serving you. If someone is saying something to you and you are feeling negative (or having a negative reaction), perhaps you should stop, take a moment, and consider what it is that is making you feel this way, why, and where the other person is coming from. Because you can change how you react. I feel like many of us react before really considering what is going on, which can then make the other person defensive and then any further discussion is ultimately not very fruitful. But if you are in the moment, maybe you take a few seconds to digest what they have to say, can maybe see why they are saying it, and can have a more positive or more productive response which may lead to better results. This too is difficult because I feel like we have become so addicted to instant gratification - and I saw a quote recently too that states it perfectly: "We do not listen to understand, we listen to reply." As someone is speaking to us, instead of being present in the moment, we start analyzing what they are saying, and - more so - we are preparing our response...but without truly and completely listening to them. 

These are habits or practices that I am by no means an expert at, but that seem to me to make sense to make life just a little bit better.

Fear

What am I afraid of? 

Oh, the usual things, I suppose.

Spiders. 

Snakes. 

Creepy crawlies. 

Bird poop.  

Losing a close family member (or any family member really, or any loved one). 

Loss of my dog - I know she's "just" a dog, but she is my baby. 

Failure.  

Financial instability.

Saying too much, or the wrong thing.

Not saying enough.

Tornadoes.

Burning my house down. Seriously. It's taken me this long to finally use a crockpot, and I still worry.

Days 6 through 10...

This whole "100 happy days" thing is hard to keep up with! Ergo, here are Days 6-10:

Day 6: When a cheesecake (or two) and gas money can take care of air conditioner issues.

Day 7: Dancing so much I done broke my dancin' shoes

Day 8: One content little dog, during the spring, thoroughly enjoying the new front door. And keeping an eye on the neighborhood.

Day 9: Getting awesome fortunes from fortune cookies :)

Day 10:  A last-minute, unexpected invite out for a night of much-needed laughter. 

What do I do?

The task for this post is, if you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question "what do you do?"  

Hmmm... a toughie. And given that this is a standard "small talk" question, a "getting to know you" type thing, difficult to answer when you can't just say, "Oh I work for a _________ company doing __________."  

So what do I do?

I take care of my dog. And sometimes my parents' dog. 
I practice yoga. And sometimes meditate.
I try to eat healthfully and deliciously - sometimes the two are not the same. :)
I drink wine. (and beer, and cocktails...but preferably wine, as I get older.)
I try to be a good friend/sister/cousin/niece/daughter.
I laugh. Not as much as I would like, but I do enjoy when I do.
I definitely overanalyze. It's part of what makes me good at what pays the bills. But it can be rough on other aspects of my life.
I try to live in the moment - often difficult (see above). 
I work at being happy and content, and focusing on the positive rather than the negative (it's so easy to get pulled into that pit of negativity). 
Sometimes, I cook. And bake. And occasionally I share the results with others.
I travel - though not as often as I would like, and there are so many places that I want to see, and not enough time or money to do it. But my vacations have been awesome. :)
I read. A lot. 
I love to learn new things. (But I hate those "life lessons" that always such but apparently build character ;)
Occasionally I try my hand at being artsy-craftsy.
I try to grow a bit each day to better myself. Sometimes that's through yoga/meditation, or through the people I interact with, or something I read...but betterment of self is always a goal.


Have a lovely day!

Who do ya love?

You can't choose your family (though mine is pretty stinkin' awesome, in general), and your friends are the family you choose. I have happened upon some pretty stinkin' awesome friends who are part of my family now, and tonight showed me just how much.

I've had a bit of a rough week and went to my yoga studio tonight hoping that a class would help. One of my friends, Cathy, noticed when she arrived for class that I looked upset, that something was really bothering me. As did some of my other friends, though they didn't truly realize how much until after class. So during class, i could tell I was taking things personally that were DEFINITELY not any kind of personal attack, not even remotely so. And after class I just boogied right on out of there after putting away my props and gathering my stuff. Cathy managed to catch me on my way out the door, and we chatted a bit on the way to the elevator (and bless her heart, she rode with me too, since I have pissy knees that can't do the stairs right now). By the time we got to the ground floor (which was all of about 30 seconds, since we were only on the 2nd),  I was teary. Then my friends Elizabeth, Terri, and Suzie joined us, and all helped me so much. I have needed to cry for so very long - that good cry that is so cleansing. But as a single woman, I have always felt like I have to put up a strong front - "I am a strong and independent woman, and can do it all!" so I can't even remember the last time I cried. I still didn't get that full-on ugly cry (like I'm pretty sure I need to) but I did get a little out, and I hope by tomorrow I am feeling better. I love these ladies, and obviously I feel safe enough to be vulnerable around them. Not to mention such words of wisdom, as I approach my 40s and the hormonal changes that will inevitably occur with the 40s (if not sooner).  

Namaste. And may you have such wonderful friends as these that I have found. 

I love my dog :)

Day 5 of 100 Happy Days (I have a feeling this theme will contain a LOT of dog pictures, so be prepared :):

July 5th recovery from the stress of the neighborhood fireworks:

"I love..."

A favorite quote from one of my favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally:

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." 

(hahaha another favorite quote? "I'll have what she's having..." from the famous diner scene)

It's a favorite movie because, I suppose, it shows that people can become friends, that there really is a man out there for me, and it may even be someone I already know (though I kinda doubt that part, but who knows?). I love the quote - I love the scene - because after some 12 years of running into each other and becoming friends and having a big fight and not speaking...after all this life, he realizes that she really is the one for him (oooh, sorry if I ruined it for anybody ;) I guess it gives me hope. I so SO love this movie. Even though it's (egad!) over 25 years old....it just never gets old.

Discomfort...

I am terrible at flirting. I always have been. Apparently what I consider just being friendly comes across sometimes as being flirtatious and interested. And it's also difficult for me to ascertain when i'm being flirted with - because, again, I'd probably see it as someone just being friendly. So then I just get kind of uncomfortable - more so if I start thinking I'm being flirted with. And now that it's been a very very verryyy long time since I've even dated, I'm even more uncomfortable in those situations. I am seriously out of practice. And honestly, I don't even know that many single guys that I'd hang out with  - all of my single guy friends got married (or are soon to be). I had a housewarming party a few years ago and I got a bit embarrassed when a girlfriend showed up and asked me where the guys were. Holy cow, I don't know any anymore!! (Not any eligible bachelor types, anyway). Since then I've been sensitive, maybe hyper-aware, that I don't really have many guy friends any more - at least none that are not married or otherwise in a serious relationship. Gadzooks! If you want to really make me squirm, start talking about how awesome I am and that I should be doing "X" and "Y" to find a man. UGH. And over the years I've tried to just take it all in stride...I appreciate that you are concerned for my happiness, I really do, and I might even love ya for it....but holy moly, let's talk about something more constructive - like wine. ;)


On a completely different note: 100 happy days Day 4: Memories of the best shaved ice ever! (and the specific flavor? strawberry cheesecake with cream- delish!!)

Oh yeah...

Day 2 of "100 happy days": Painting with a Twist with a friend and some wine. :) 

And Day 3: Having friends who are creative and artsy-craftsy has given me more confidence to try that myself. :)

I'm good at...

So I admit, I'm kinda following a "post a day" thing so I can have some suggestions to get my brain working.

Today's post is explaining something I know a lot about, or something I'm good at.

Several years ago I went to a career counselor, and what was interesting was that she could tell that I'm very detail oriented and I like to work with my hands. Detail oriented makes me good at what gives me a paycheck; working with my hands is what I do on the side - a massage therapist.

I think often people are afraid of massage - face it, you're putting yourself in a vulnerable position (naked or mostly so, under a mere bedsheet) and essentially at the mercy of the massage therapist. Or they think of it as intimate - which, ok, it is, but not in a sexual way. (at least not for the legitimate of us.) Believe me, the first time I went to a massage therapist, I went with a girlfriend to a male therapist and we were in the room together, getting massaged one at a time. He was completely professional and very very good. After that I was more comfortable going on my own. But I have friends who are creeped out by the very idea of anybody giving them a massage (though apparently a sports massage doesn't freak them out). My preference? None really - overcame many of those fears when I myself went to massage school and we all worked on each other. I've been worked on by both men and women. If you go to a spa and do some sort of package, though, consider what all is involved in the package and if you would feel comfortable if a member of the opposite or same sex worked on you.

However, let me just tell you - that massage therapist is working to make you feel better, whether just to find relaxation, work out some knots and trigger points, or assist with recovery from injury. TELL the massage therapist if you have any concerns. TELL the massage therapist if whatever they are doing does not feel good. For example, years ago I went to a massage therapist but for whatever reason, I did not feel comfortable telling her that the amount of pressure she was using was not near enough. As a result, I felt like I did not get the massage that I wanted--not that it was a bad massage, but for my preferences I'd call it a weak one. And I should have told her that I was really uncomfortable with her playing with my hair - straight-haired people really seem to enjoy that and find it relaxing, but I think generally curly-heads like myself find it stressful because it can make our hair poofy and bigger. I still felt somewhat relaxed at the end when it was over, but in hindsight it really could have been so much better had I spoken up. When I work on my own clients, I always tell them up front to tell me if anything doesn't feel good - if the pressure is too much, or not enough - and ask them if they have ever experienced some technique during a massage that they did not like. Because some people like a lighter-touch massage, and others like a pretty darn firm one, some people feel some benefit from various pressure points or tapotement (think karate-chop massage as often seen in the movies). So do not be afraid to tell them what you like or don't like!

In a Nutshell...

I was born in the Great White North, but my family moved to the much warmer state of Texas when I was 3. I grew up in the town that the book and movie (but not the TV show, not really) "Friday Night Lights" is about. Yah. High school football forced upon one starting at a very young age. I played piano for three years, violin for one, and French horn for 6 (and cornet for about 5 minutes). I haven't played any instruments in over 20 years, and I miss it. Going to the symphony now makes me emotional because of that. I'm a huge fan (and loyal alumnus) of Texas Tech (and our current football coach, if you must know).  After graduating from college aI moved to Austin and have been here ever since. Humidity and all, I love it here - though there is so much to do here and I don't often do much of it, I love having the option. A little over 12 years ago I got myself a puppy - a sweet little miniature pinscher named Hannah. I love her dearly, and though she's getting older and a bit stiffer, she still acts like a younger dog and always makes me smile. I have an adorable nephew on the West Coast (and an awesome brother and sister-in-law). I have a great relationship with my parents. I've never been married though I don't count it out, but just haven't found the right guy and the last few years haven't looked very hard for him either. 

It's been awhile...

QUITE a while, actually. I have been so busy with Life that this has totally fallen by the wayside. Vacations and anything else interesting has not made it on here. So, in the interest of improving my writing (and typing!) skills, I'm going to start blogging again. 
I tried to look up those "blog a day" challenges to see if that would work for me...I'm not sure. I'll see. I'm kind of intrigued by the #100HappyDays thing....I actually thought when I saw a distant cousin constantly posting with that hashtag that he was Seriously In Love and waiting on his Beloved to get her visa and come back to this country. I didn't realize until...yesterday, I think...that this was actually A Thing. So...maybe. But that's simply a photo, right? No actual writing necessary. And I want to write.

For the last several months I've been in a new job that doesn't require a whole lot of writing or typing - and what little it does is repetitive and very dry. And it ties me even more to a desk all day than I have ever been. Thus, I need to regroup and remember my goals for 2014: to regain a consistent yoga practice, to move more in general, to declutter my house/life, and to pay off some things and add to my savings. 

Yep, got a bit away from that. Tends to happen when your entire life gets disrupted thanks to the air conditioner deciding to quit. THAT is NOT a good thing, especially when one lives in the great state of Texas...and it's summer. Granted, this summer has not yet been super hot - it's only been in the 90s so far (believe me, that's not truly hot...we are just starting to be in the mid 90s regularly, and I hope and pray that our triple-digit-temperature days are kept to a minimum this year). So I've been incredibly thankful that I have family nearby that my dog and I can stay with when such things happen, and friends who know how to fix such things. 

On another note, here is my first post (and no, I don't think I'll be hashtagging anything - so not a fan of that, though I do occasionally give in): 100 Happy Days: My little dog makes me smile every. single. day. I love her! 

Yo Yo Yo Yosemite

Given that I am a major procrastinator, I naturally did not “have time” to do laundry or pack until Saturday morning. I woke up early and was running around trying to get everything done, clean up the place a bit, etc. Apparently I’m too good, since by the time I finished with all the cleaning and the packing, I still had two hours before we were planning to leave for the airport. Damn I’m good!

5 minutes after we were supposed to leave, we realized that the dogs’ blankets smelled like anal glands. GROSS. We weren’t about to leave that for the neighbors to have to deal with for a week, so we threw it in the washer and waited until they washed and then were kinda dry. We ended up leaving the house 35 minutes after the planned time. Which didn’t really matter: there was no line at the airport so we breezed through bag drop and security, and had loads of time to wait for our flight. (We flew JetBlue—I highly recommend it! It was a nonstop flight, and each seat had its own TV. Awesome.)

We landed at Long Beach Airport, and walked out of the plane onto the tarmac, and then up the ramp and into the airport…through the airport and back outside to baggage claim. It’s a wee little airport, by the way. Brad and Trish and Tristan were there to pick us up and on the way to their house we ordered some dinner—a pizza and spaghetti and salad. It was all actually really really quite tasty.

Sunday we jumped out of bed, I repacked my stuff into the smaller bag (no way was I going to take my big suitcase camping for pete’s sake…I don’t know what everyone else was thinking, but I knew what I was doing. J

We loaded up the Tahoe—the reservation had been for a minivan for the 6 of us, but none were available so we got “upgraded”…which meant that one of the very back seats had to be taken out for our stuff, and someone had to be put in the other very back seat with no leg room and no foot space. Nice. Made a stop at Target on the way out, and we were off!

So my knowledge of California’s geography consists of : LA and San Diego are in the south, Sacramento is the capital somewhere in the middle, and San Francisco is in the north. I apparently had no idea that the entire state is desert. And the San Joaquin Valley is uglier than west texas BUT it has mountains surrounding it—they’re just very very far away. And it’s a huge valley. I thought we were never going to get out of there! Mom informed me that the SJV provides the US with much of its produce….we did see a lot of orchards and fields. Brad even asked me what one field was—I guess because I worked for an ag professor in college I was the expert. ;)

Fortunately we stopped in Bakersfield for lunch—at In N Out Burger—YUM. If you haven’t been there, you need to try it. It’s delish. I always have to have it when I fly out there—though usually I get it on the way from the airport. (There’s always one on the way to the house, no matter what!:)

We arrived at Yosemite, but instead of turning left to go check in, we turned right to go to the Mariposa Grove. Beautiful huge trees—though at ~300 ft tall, these are the “smaller” version of the giant sequoias. We wandered around admiring..and smack in the middle was a huge one they called the Grizzly Giant—one branch in particular was 7 feet thick! Another big one had had a hole cut out of it and a road put through it—Just wide enough and tall enough for a horse and buggy! Inside the hole people had carved their names and dates…one I took a picture of was from 1929, but I think there was one from the 1890s too. And the sap that had seeped was orange and glowed like lava when I took a picture of it.

We finally left the Mariposa Grove and headed to Curry Village to sign in. Unfortunately by this time it was dark, and we had a little trouble reading the map and figuring out where we were supposed to park and then find our tent cabins. Dad saved the day though and figured out we were in the wrong parking lot. J We found our cabins and got settled in, making sure to put scented stuff (food, toiletries, etc) in the bear lockers just outside the door.

The next morning I woke up bright and early, and what a view! Took some photos of the rock face right above, and then off to a quick shower to get ready for the day. We had breakfast at Camp Curry—I had a bagel—and off we went. We drove around the valley floor checking out all the beautiful vistas, and watched rock climbers climbing the face of El Capitan. It was really interesting—hard to see, they were so tiny—but interesting at least for a short time. Brad and Trish also pointed out a tree growing all by itself in a cliff face…amazing, but even more so when you realize it’s at least 80 feet tall! We stopped at Fern Springs, where we met some people who had brought their own empty water bottles to fill there. We then decided we were going to get the Glacier Point talk that night and see the sunset from there, so on the way we stopped and went on a ranger walk. We were a little late so we had to rush to catch up to the group, but we still managed to learn a lot, and at one point he had us get on all fours, ease to the cliff edge, and drop to our stomachs to look down. If we were standing near the edge and looked down, we were likely to get vertigo and fall over the edge. As it was we had to make sure and place our sunglasses and other loose items on the ground before we eased over to the edge. It was amazing! The walk ended at Taft Point where there was a railing set up so you could check out the view…and the USGS seal, which stated we were at 7503 feet above sea level.

From there, we hiked back to the Tahoe and drove up the road a little ways, and then found the trail to Sentinel Dome. This was quite steep, and on the way we saw evidence of bears—where they had scratched the bark of a tree. As we neared Sentinel Dome, I noted how much like Central Texas’s Enchanted Rock it was. Cool! J Brad, Trish, Tristan and I went all the way to the top; Mom and Dad stopped at the base of the Dome and enjoyed the views from there. Then, the downhill (and much easier) hike back to the car, and we headed the rest of the way up to Glacier Point for the sunset talk. Glacier Point has marvelous views of Half Dome and the rest of Yosemite valley at any time of day, but at sunset the sun makes Half Dome glow a beautiful rose. It was awesome!  Back to camp for dinner and bed.

Early the next morning, we heard a loud rumble. I had remembered hearing that we were supposed to have thunderstorms, so I assumed the storm had arrived. But when I peaked out my door, the sun was shining and the sky was blue. What had happened? I stepped out of my cabin and saw other campers looking up at the cliff face above us. There had been a rockslide! A number of cabins at camp curry had been closed and fenced off about 6 months or so before our visit due to a rockslide that had done some damage and caused injuries. Had that happened today? A couple from a neighboring cabin started following the “smoke” and I took off after them. Sure enough, huge boulders had fallen but had landed in a rock field just above the residential apartments next to camp curry. Fortunately no damage had been done, just lots of dust everywhere. Brad had joined me, and as there was really nothing to be seen other than the clouds of dust, we headed back to our cabins. After breakfast we went to Happy Isles and followed the trail. I believe that’s part of the Merced River (?); it had low water and lots and lots of rocks. At the end of the trail, we clambered on the rocks. There were also large fallen trees that crossed the river, so Brad walked out on one..and talked my paranoid, worst-scenario-thinking sister-in-law into joining him. Then once she was back on land, I walked out to join him, and our dad walked out on the one nearby. We saw some Steller’s Jays here, and of course squirrels. We headed back to the car and went to the trailhead for Bridalveil Falls, one of the few falls still running this time of year. It was still beautiful! I can only imagine the roar of the falls during high water. After the falls we headed to Tunnelview, a popular scenic roadside stop to get fabulous shots of the entire valley and all the major views. Then we headed to the Ahwahnee for a drink at the bar (it’s expensive…we didn’t want to spend a lot ;) and went back to Curry for dinner, where we had some visitors---in the form of raccoons and coontails. During our stay at Camp Curry they were showing the Ken Burns national parks documentary so we would go to the outdoor amphitheater, which happened to be right next to our cabins, and watch for a bit. This night, Tristan cuddled up in my lap to watch it while everyone else took showers and got ready for bed, and he promptly fell asleep. J So sweet.

Wednesday was our last full day in Yosemite. I had woken up early and was just reading in bed for a little while when I suddenly heard Trisha say, ‘Amy, close your door!” I thought, it IS closed! And then after a moment I peaked out, didn’t see anything, and opened my door. There had been a black bear coming to visit!! And now it was loping through the amphitheater. We saw rangers running past to look for it; apparently there’s one that had been a rather constant visitor, so if it was the same one they were going to capture it and release it in another area of the park. After such a rousing morning, we had breakfast and went to the Yosemite museum and Yosemite Valley Visitor Center and saw tipis and other exhibits pertaining to the Ahwaneechee people who lived in the valley, including a reconstructed village. The visitor center had information about John Muir, who was big in the movement to develop national parks (and was the founder of the Sierra Club), and they also showed a documentary called the Spirit of Yosemite. We then wandered around a bit doing a spot of shopping in some of the gift shops and galleries. Next we went to meet up for a bear walk with a ranger; it was a little disappointing because the ranger talk was quite elementary, juvenile, whatever. It was interesting, though, to see possible bear dens and such. The rest of the day we kind of wandered around, and then went to the Ahwanee hotel for a twilight nature walk; this was interesting, she based it on “scales”: from a wee little pine cone (2-3”) comes the huge mariposa trees (60 feet), like that. This naturalist was very interesting and I felt made up for the ranger who did the bear walk. J From this twilight walk, we met a couple and their little boy from Mesquite, so we invited them to Curry for dinner. They were a nice family; their little boy was quite a pistol. After dinner, we went our separate ways, and my family went out to the meadow to gaze at the sky. The stars were beautiful of course, but the moon was very bright so we didn’t see as many stars as we expected, but we did see the unexpected—moonlit domes and peaks! Absolutely gorgeous! We also saw a flash about mid-way up El Capitan…Dad flashed his flashlight in that direction, and the rock climbers flashed back. Very cool! J

The next morning, Thursday, was our check-out day. We loaded up the Tahoe, and checked out, and then went to the meadow to go on a ranger-guided wildlife walk. Also interesting and this ranger had props—she gave Tristan a bobcat pelt to carry—and we ended at the woodpecker tree, an old dead tree with so many holes in it, and each hole holds an acorn left by,--of course—the acorn woodpecker. They called this tree the Granary.J

After the wildlife walk, we headed out, back to the O.C., stopping again at Tunnelview since it was a sunny day. It was about a six-hour drive back, so we didn’t do anything that night but unpack, shower, and rest.

Friday we did more of the same—rest and recovery. Friday night we decided to go to the beach for a bonfire. We loaded up (two cars) and headed to Bolsa Chica State Beach, and staked our claim on a fire pit. Brad got the fire going, and we set up the chairs and used the beach umbrella as a wind break (it was pretty windy). Luckily the beach wasn’t crowded… Once we were ready to start cookin’, everybody got a stick (or unbent hanger, whatever) for their hot dog. Well. Everybody except me—I don’t eat the nasty things. I had myself a deeeelish PB&J. Yum! (Everything tastes better when you’re eating outside!) We hung out, walked down to the water, tristan chased and was chased by the waves, Mom looked for cool beachy stuff like shells and stuff, and I watched the waves and the sandpipers. The water was pretty cold, and with the wind blowing like it was, I wasn’t about to get in—it wasn’t exactly a hot day! Later after the sun went down we roasted marshmallows…absolutely a delicious evening. Brad helped me take pictures with my camera (as opposed to his fancy camera) of the moonlit waves. It was a very fun, very relaxing evening. The rest of the weekend was just relaxing and recovering—that was a very active vacation. J Sunday we flew back on JetBlue to A-town. Monday back at work.

Miscellany

So it's still freakin' hot here. I think we're now at fifty-something days of triple-digit temps. And they've been talking about seasonal affective disorder--it's not just for winter anymore! It explains the rise in crime this summer....the craziness....the crankiness...The economy hasn't helped, but together it's quite the double whammy. They just closed the last public boat ramp on Lake Travis...the lake is at its lowest levels since 1963....it's kind of a depressing time....

A couple weeks ago, some friends and I went to a speed dating event. Yep. For real. An event at a bar wherein the women each have a table and a number, and the guys each have a number and rotate tables. Unfortunately I believe the age range was 25-35....and it's unfortunate because I found out my matches are ~25....and I am 34....and far too young to be a cougar. Five years younger is my limit--granted, it's a somewhat flexible limit, but nonetheless a limit. This would have been an awesome event for guys--there were about 20 women, a few that may have seemed desperate but most that just seemed to want to give it a whirl (I think registration was free for this particular event)....but there were only about 10 guys. The thing about an event like this, in my opinion, is that it needs to be at a really cool place (dave & buster's = NOT cool!!!) and you need to go with fairly low expectations. That is to say, don't go expecting to find your Mr Right, or even your Mr Right Now. Several friends that went were expecting to find superhot supermodels with great personalities...and what we got were some guys that seemed nice, some guys that were looking to get laid, some guys that maybe just don't work in a place where they would encounter many women. My point is, you have to go in and just have fun. (Alcohol helps. ;)

So I'm trying to decide what kind of car I should get. I am not sure yet if I want to replace my Miata...I rather enjoy having a cute little car...but it would be so nice to have something very slightly larger! Right now I'm thinking about a Mazda 3, a Scion tC, and...I don't know what else. My brother suggested the Honda Element--that is probably the ugliest vehicle I have ever seen, aside from a Hummer. Sheesh. I know I don't want an SUV or a crossover or anything very big--and keeping in mind that for six years I've driven a Miata...a Camry feels gigantic to me!

I am going to strive to cut back on saying certain words and phrases ..."like".... "totally"... "seriously"... "for real"...."whatever" ... I know some people who use these words nonstop all the time, and it has been getting on my nerves...more so because I know I've been guilty of overusing them too. I'm also going to attempt to cut back on the cursing. One of my coworkers drops the f-bomb pretty regularly, and if not the actual word then says things like "effing", which is really no better. So I'm going to try to clean up my language, if only to the "basic" curse words (hell shit and damn). Those are my goals. We'll see how it goes. :)

Anyhoo...that's the news for now. It's funny...I think of all kinds of funny things in my head while I'm driving, and I think, "I need to post that somewhere!" And of course invariably I completely forget about it...